welcome to dende s page warmly welcome
I am Lawrence Maile From Bushbuckridge here to open his own page
good people feel welcome to contact me on my new page i am here with ur help i can do anything anything is possible unless we support each other kgotso
I anyone feels like want me 2 add some hot stuff just mail me please i will do that 2 honour everyone from the whole world
I am from South africa if u r wondering where i am from just hola me if u wana know something in south africa i can be of much helpfull hola
APPLICATION TO DATE MY DAUGHTER
(REVOCABLE AT ANY TIME)
NOTE - This application will be Incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial statement, job history, lineage, and current medical report from your doctor. 1. NAME:_____________________ DATE OF BIRTH: _______________ 2. HEIGHT:___________ WEIGHT: ______IQ: ________GPA: ______ 3. SOCIAL SECURITY #: ___________DRIVERS LICENSE #: _________ 4. BOY SCOUT RANK:_______________________________________ 5. HOME ADDRESS: ________________CITY: _________ ZIP ______ 6. Do you have one MALE and one FEMALE parent? Yes____ No_______ If NO, explain: ________________________________________________ 7. Number of years parents married: ___________ 8. DO YOU OWN A VAN? ____ A TRUCK WITH OVERSIZED TIRES OR CAMPER SHELL? ____ WATERBED? _____ MOTORCYCLE? _____ TATTOO? ____ COLOR ALTERED HAIR? ___ (IF YES TO ANY PART OF #8, DISCONTINUE APPLICATION AND LEAVE PREMISES IMMEDIATELY) 9. In 50 words or less, what does "Late" mean to you? _________________________________________________________ 10. In 50 words or less, what does "DO NOT TOUCH MY DAUGHTER" mean to you? _________________________________________________________ 11. In 50 words or less, what does "ABSTINENCE" mean to you? _________________________________________________________ 12. What church do you attend? ________________ How often do you attend? ____/ week 13. When would be the best time to interview your father, mother, priest or pastor? ____________ 14. Fill in the blanks: Please answer freely - all answers are confidential (That means I won't tell anyone - I promise): A. If I were shot, the last place on my body I would want to be wounded is in the _____________ B. If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my _____________ C. A women's place is in the __________________ D. The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is ____________________ E. When I first meet a girl, the first thing I notice is _____________________ (NOTE: If the answer to "E" begins with a B, T, or A, discontinue and leave the premises immediately with your head hung low.) 15. What do you want to be IF you grow up? _________________________
16. Do you plan to attend a Catholic or Christian College? _________ Which one? ____________
I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, NATIVE AMERICAN ANT TORTURE, CRUCIFIXION, ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE WATER TORTURE, AND RED HOT POKERS.
_____________________ Signature (That means sign your name)
Thank you for your interest. Please allow four to six years for processing. You will be contacted in writing if you are approved. Please do not try to call or write (this action will void this application). If your application is rejected you will be notified by two angels wearing red suits and carrying pitch forks. (You might want to start praying now).
U R MY ANGEL Do You Remember All The Good Times And Bad Times That We Shared, All The Hopes And Dreams We Had Nothing Else Could Ever Compare. There Will Always Be A Place Down Deep Inside My Heart, A Special Place Where Only You Will Occupy That Part. I Will Always Remember All The Beauty And The Grace, Your Smile As Bright As Sunshine And Your Beautiful Angelic Face. The Way Your Body Felt As I Held You Close To Me, In My Heart And In My Soul Is Where You'll Always Be. God Gave Me An Angel To Call My Very Own, Now We'll Always Be Together From This Moment On. DUMP A MAN FORM Dear _______________, I regret to inform you that you have been eliminated from further contention as Mr. Right. As you are probably aware, the competition was exceedingly tough and dozens of well-qualified candidates such as yourself also failed to make the final cut. I will, however, keep your name on file should an opening come available. So that you may find better success in your future romantic endeavors, please allow me to offer the following reason(s) you were disqualified from the competition: (Check those that apply) 1. ___Your last name is objectionable. I can't imagine taking it, hyphenating it, or subjecting my children to it. 2. ___Your first name is objectionable. It's just not something I can picture myself yelling out in a fit of passion. 3. ___The fact that our first dining experience to date has left MY wallet a little lighter, and YOUR pants a little tighter! 4. ___Your inadvertent admission that you "buy condoms by the truckload" indicates that you may be interested in me for something other than my personality. 5. ___You failed the 20 Question Rule, i.e., I asked you 20 questions about yourself before you asked me more than one about myself. 6. ___Your constant emailing, shows me you have TOO much time on your hands! 7. ___Your legs are skinnier than mine. If you can FIT into my pants, then you can't GET into my pants. 8. ___You're too short. Any son that we produced would inevitably be beaten up repeatedly at recess. 9. ___You're too tall. I'm developing a chronic neck condition from trying to kiss you. 10. ___You have a hairy back. 11. ___I find your inability to fix my car extraordinarily unappealing. 12. ___The fact that your apartment has been condemned reveals an inherent slovenliness that I fear is unbreakable. 13. ___The phrase "My Mother" has popped up far too often in conversation. 14. ___You still live with your parents. 15. ___Although I do enjoy the X-Files, I find your wardrobe of Star Trek uniforms a little concerning. 16. ___Your frequent references to your ex-girlfriend lead me to suspect that you are some sort of psychotic stalker. 17. ___Your ability to belch the alphabet is not a trait that I am seeking in a long term partner. 18. ___Your height is out of proportion to your weight. If you should, however, happen to gain the necessary 17 vertical inches, please resubmit your application. 19. ___Somehow I doubt those condoms that I found in your overnight bag were really necessary for a successful business trip. 20. ___I am out of your league; set your sights lower next time. Sincerely, __HER_______________________________ WHAT IT MEANS 2 B POOR One day a father of a very wealthy family took his son on a trip to the country with the firm purpose of showing his son how poor people can be. They spent a couple of days and nights on the farm of what would be considered a very poor family. On their return from their trip, the father asked his son, "How was the trip?" "It was great, Dad." "Did you see how poor people can be?" the father asked. "Oh Yeah" said the son. "So what did you learn from the trip?" asked the father. The son answered, "I saw that we have one dog and they had four. We have a pool that reaches to the middle of our garden and they have a creek that has no end. We have imported lanterns in our garden and they have the stars at night. Our patio reaches to the front yard and they have the whole horizon. We have a small piece of land to live on and they have fields that go beyond our sight. We have servants who serve us, but they serve others. We buy our food, but they grow theirs. We have walls around our property to protect us, they have friends to protect them." With this the boy's father was speechless. Then his son added, "Thanks dad for showing me how poor we are." Too many times we forget what we have and concentrate on what we don't have. What is one person's worthless object is another's prize possession. It is all based on one's perspective. Makes you wonder what would happen if we all gave thanks for all the bounty we have, instead of worrying about wanting more. Take joy in all you STRESS DIET Breakfast: 1/2 grapefruit 1 slice whole wheat toast 8 oz. skim milk Lunch: 4 oz. lean broiled chicken breast 1 cup steamed spinach 1 cup herb tea 1 Oreo cookie Mid-Afternoon Snack: The rest of the Oreos in the package 1 tub of Hagen Daas ice cream with chocolate topping Dinner: 2 loaves garlic bread 4 cans or 1 large pitcher Diet Coke 1 large pepperoni pizza 3 Snickers bars Late Evening News: Entire frozen Sara Lee cheesecake (eaten directly from freezer) -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- REMEMBER: "Stressed" spelled backward is "desserts" Send this to four people and you will lose two pounds. Send this to all the people you know (or ever knew), and you will lose 10 pounds. WARNING: If you delete this page you will gain 10 pounds immediately. (you want to take the chance?) FUNNY QOUTS ON MARRIAGE In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker." -Woody Allen. "My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met." -Rodney Dangerfield. "Ah, yes, divorce...from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet." -Robin Williams. "A married man should forget his mistakes; no use two people remembering the same thing." -Duane Dewel. "When you see a married couple walking down the street, the one that's a few steps ahead is the one that's mad." -Helen Rowland "I have never really understood this liking for war. It panders to instincts already well catered for in any respectable domestic establishment." -Alan Bennett "Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe." -Jackie Mason "Marriage is like putting your hand into a bag of snakes in the hope of pulling out an eel." -Leonardo Di Vinci. "I don't think I'll get married again. I'll just find a woman I don't like and give her a house." -Lewis Grizzard. "I'm the only man in the world with a marriage licence made out to whom it may concern." -Mickey Rooney. "I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her." -Rodney Dangerfield. "The difference between divorce and legal separation is that legal separation gives a husband time to hide his money."
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