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IRIS' HOME PAGE
Awesome, ain't it?

This is basically just the same stuff i have in my buddy profiles...so yah...
Ways to annoy a telemarketer
1. Tell the telemarketer you have someone on the other line and to hold on a second, press a button on the phone and say "Hey Susan, I'll have to call you back I have one of those stupid telemarketers on the other line" press a button again and say, "Now what was it you wanted?"
2.Respond "Shhhh!!! (name they ask for) is sleeping, your too loud please be quiet" After they quiet down, say again "You're still too loud!" do this until they get to a very quiet whisper and then scream "IM SORRY I CANT HEAR YOU, YOUR TOO QUIET!!!"
3.During their spiel ask "Why?" after every sentence they speak.
4."Can you hear me now? ...good" and keep saying that until they hang up.
5.After each question they ask you say "no" ... for example ... are you the owner of the house? "no" can I speak with the owner please? "no" do you know a good time to call back? "no" ... so on and so forth.

6.During the speech interupt and say "Are you Canadian?" if they Say no... say "We only converse with Canadians".... If they say yes say..." We don't talk to your kind."
7.Every time they say something, say "That's not true!"
8.Tell them you think they are pretty.
9.After the telemarketer tells you their name say, "What's the Lifespan of a Teddy Bear??"
10.When the telemarketer asks to talk to "(name)". Ask them "Is this going to be important," before they answer respond "Yeah I didn't think so." and hang up.
11.When they say, Hello I'm (name) and I want to sell you blah. Say "Hello, I'm (their name) and I want to sell you a worthless piece of crap."
12.Tell the telemarketer you are "grounded" and ask if they could bring you some beer.
13.After every question they ask, say "maybe"
14.Ask them how much they get paid and when they tell you laugh hysterically and then hang up. If they refuse to tell you ask "Why?" and respond with "Why?" after every statement they make untill they hang up.
Why did the chicken cross the road.? (What various stars said)
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Jessica Simpson 's Answer:
Why would he be on a road, I thought chickens lived in the ocean?
Homer Simpson 's Answer:
There was free beer on the other side of the road.
Bill Cosby's answer:
Weeelll, ya see, the chicken crossed the road, and to get... to...the jello pudding pops.
Shakespeare 's Answer:
To cross or not to cross, that is the question.
Neil Armstrong's Answer:
To go where no chicken has gone before.
George Bush's Answer:
We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not. The chicken is either with us or it is against us. There is no middle ground here.
Al Gore's Answer:
I fight for the chickens and I am fighting for the chickens right now. I will not give up on the chickens crossing the road! I will fight for the chickens and I will not disappoint them.
Martha Stewart's Answer:
No one called to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a
standing order at the farmer's market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.
Dr. Seuss' Answer:
Did the chicken cross the road?
Did he cross it with a toad?
Yes, the chicken crossed the road,
But why it crossed, I've not been told!
Martin Luther King Jr's Answer:
I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.
Aristotle's Answer:
It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.
Albert Einstein's Answer:
Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move beneath the
chicken?

Questions
If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is it homeless or naked?
Why do we say "heads up" when we actually duck?
If there was a crumb on the table and you cut it in half, would you have two crumbs or two halves of a crumb?
How do "do not walk on grass" signs get there?
How come French fries are not considered vegetables, since they are just deep fried potatoes?
Are children who act in rated 'R' movies allowed to see them?
Can you get cornered in a round room?
How come we say 'It's colder than hell outside' when isn't it realistically always colder than hell since hell is supposed to be fire and brimstone?
Wouldn't it be smart to make the sticky stuff on envelopes taste like chocolate?
"Have you ever noticed that if you rearranged the letters in mother in law, they come out to Woman Hitler?"
If a fork were made of gold would it still be considered silverware?
Why is it when some products you have to turn it upside down to read the directions, and the directions say do not turn upside down?

Joke(s)
A blonde wanted to buy a TV, so she went into the store. She found one she wanted, and asked the shop assistant what the price was. "I'm sorry, we don't serve blondes," his reply was. The blonde walked out, and got her hair colored into red. Next day, she walked in, and asked the shop assistant how much her chosen TV was. "I'm sorry, we don't serve blondes," his reply was again. She was confused. So, again, she walked out. She got her hair colored into black. Next day, she walked in, and asked how much was her chosen TV. "I'm sorry, we don't serve blondes!" his reply was again. Now the blonde was really confused. "How did you know I was a blonde?" asked the girl. "Well, because what you've got there is a microwave. "
There's a blonde in a rowboat in the middle of a field, just rowing and rowing her heart out. Another blonde comes down the road, looks into the field, and stares at the first blonde.
"What do you think you're doing?!" she asks.
"I'm rowing, and I'd better hurry up! I'm going to be late!" says the first girl.
The second girl gets mad. "What?! You know, it's blondes like you that give us all a bad name! And if I could swim, I'd come out there and slap you silly!"
Two blondes were walking through the woods when one looked down and said "Oh, look at the deer tracks." The other blonde looks and says "Those aren't deer tracks, those are wolf tracks." "No. Those are deer tracks." They keep arguing, and arguing, and one half hour later they were both killed by a train.

A blonde was very upset at all the dumb blonde jokes she was constantly hearing. She decided that she would learn all the state capitals in an effort to defend blondes everywhere. She went home and spent the entire evening learning them all.
The next day, someone at her office told a dumb blonde joke and she immediately retorted, "Hey ... I bet I know something that ALL of you don't know. I know ALL of the state capitals which proves that not all blondes are dumb."
The people in her office were somewhat dubious. One of her co-workers finally asked, "Ok ... what's the capital of Texas?"
To which she smugly replied, "T."
How do you make a blonde laugh on Monday...tell her a joke on Friday.
Why did the blonde get fired from the M & M factory...she threw out all of the W's.

:D



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