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It's All About Me
my life

Hey everybody, and welcome to my HomePage!!!
In memory of my brother..(1-26-81 - 1-28-02)
I guess I will start by explaining myself.My name is Tosha and I'm 17 I live in tennessee. My best friend is Amber...I love you Amber!!!!!! You're the coolest Although I'm cooler than the coolest but you get the point right..? lol Well always Remember P.S.O.C and AHF!!!!! I like to ride around with my friends, and do whatever we want to do. Most of the time we just be stupid, because everything else is boring! It's funner being stupid than to be really boring, and of course were really good at it. My nephews is a big part of my life. My brother as I mentioned before left to soon, but he left two boys a 2 yr old and a 3 yr old.. They live with me and my parents, and I dont know what I would do if they weren't involved in my life! I also have a sister, shes married, and living her own life.
My poetry
So many questions
Too many lies
Sometimes I lay down
And I start to cry
Cant you just tell me
That lifes suppose to be this way
Cant you just tell me
Everythings going to be ok
So many problems
In such a short time
I dont know what to do
Or when I'm gonna die
My dad said Im stuck inside
A world thats not to kind
And all I have to do
Is make up these stupid rhymes
Maybe I'm not happy
As you can probably see
But what my dad had said
Has always stuck with me
I'm only one person
And I cant do it all
But if we all stick together
Maybe I would have someone
To catch me if I fall
In our generation
Having sex is ok
And doing pills and ecstasy
Is all that a person needs
But I'm different
Everybody else is the same
I live my life day after day
Doing what I want to do
Instead of what I see
He walks up to the door
And silently stares
Wondering how
He's doing now
He knew he needed him
When he was younger
But he's doing well
All by himself
He remembers saying,
"I don't need you"
But nothing he says
Will bring him back today
Here he is
With a sad face
Wondering what
To do after this
He's just a teenager
And he's on his own
Not knowing the rain
Is holding back his tears
He's been gone
For just a year
He looks at the rain
And stares at the ground
He's thinking of him
Not making a sound
He walks out the door
And slams the screen
Saying I dont need you
You mean nothing to me
The bad words he whispers
Not knowing that
His dad's been dead
For just a year
He turns away from the door
And walks to the road
With silence he see's
That he wasn't mean
He had it made
But now it's to late
He screams the words
"I hate you"
And with silence he see's
How much he really needs
"His love"

A tear has fallen on the ground once more
But nobody knows what for
Maybe she's not happy
Maybe she don't care
Or maybe she's just tired
Of nobody being there
Another person crying
Because of something someone said
She knows they didn't mean it
But it goes straight to her head
She has alot of family
Although she has not a single friend
And she has no idea
What might happen in the end
A young boy looking forward
With a gun in his hand
He's wanting some sweet revenge
Maybe he's not wanted
Maybe he's just scared
Or maybe he's just tired
Of nobody being there
Another child dying
Because of something someone said
He knows you didn't mean
But it goes straight to his head
He keeps on shooting
Many innocent children dead
When he gets finished
He aims for his own head
Have you ever heard the saying
Words never hurt?
Nobody ever forgets
The meanness in their life
They keep it in their head
And no matter how many times they see you
Everytime they look at you
They remember
Sometimes I sit staring at the walls
Thinking what would I do if they fall
Who would I be able to call?
You just can't run to mom or dad
Whenever something you love has gone bad
I lost two of the people I communicated with the most
What happened to one of them wasn't their fault
There was a car coming and he never saw it
He passed away when they rushed him from the scene
Nobody even heard him let out a scream
Oh, how I wish my brother was still here
To help me get through all of these tears
Now I have no one to make me see
Maybe it should have been me?
The guy said he was sorry for all the pain he caused
But sometimes saying sorry don't help much
Am I wrong for thinking such
He left us two of the most beautiful boys
So I will stay strong
For they need me
Almost as much as I need them
My other best friend was my sister
She fell in love with a guy
And within a blink of my eyes
They got married
Now don't get me wrong he's a wonderful person
But it took away the person who made me feel important
She is still here except she's not the same
Getting married really makes people change
Which leaves me all alone
I'm trying to fight these troubles on my own
Maybe I should just run to mom and dad
But, would I make them sad
Is it really that bad?
I will just keep it inside for now
Someday I will figure out how
Maybe one day I will come out of my dream
And realize life isn't as bad as it seems
Why do I feel all this pain
Why do I feel like I'm going insane?
Oh God, please don't let these walls fall
And if you do
Promise me there will be someone I can call?

People don't understand
How hard it is to lose someone you love
People don't understand
How hard it is to feel so unloved
People don't understand
What it's like to be me
People don't understand
Because people just can't see
I know it's hard to imagine
Everything that's happened to me
I know it's hard to imagine
Everything you just can't see
I get jealous sometimes
When I see people doing what they want to do
I get jealous sometimes
Because I can't do those things too
I get jealous sometimes
Not because I hate you or anything
I get jealous sometimes
Because you can brag about everything
How would you like it
To be in my shoes
How would you like it
To understand everything I do
How would you like it
To imagine what you want to be
How would you like it
If for one day
You had a reason to be jealous of me

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Email: Tosha

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