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Top 10 Odd
Medical Record Statements
(Supposedly found on patient's charts.)
10. "The skin was moist and dry."

9. "The patient lives at home with his mother, father, and pet turtle, who is presently enrolled in day care three times a week."

8. "The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran out of gas and crashed."

7. "The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as stockbroker instead."

6. "I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy."

5. "While in the emergency room, she was examined, X-rated and sent home."

4. "She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life until 1989 when she got a divorce."

3. "When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room."

2. "She is numb from her toes down."

1. "The baby was delivered, the cord clamped and cut, and handed to the pediatrician, who breathed and cried immediately."

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Top 14 Fun Things
to do in a Public Bathroom
14. Using a small squeeze tube spread peanut butter on a wad of toilet paper and drop the wad under the stall wall of your neighbor. Then say, "Whoops, could you kick that back over here please?"

13. Fill a balloon with creamed corn. Rush into the stall with your hand over your mouth and let out a lengthy vomit impression while you squeeze the balloon and splatter cream corn all about. Apologize profusely and blame it on the fettuccine alfredo you had for breakfast.

12. Take in a wineskin filled w/ water. Stand and slowing squeeze it out into the toilet, every 15-20 seconds moan or sigh.

11. Say, "Boy, that sure looks like a maggot."

10. Before you unroll toilet paper, conspicuously lay down your "Cross-Dressers Anonymous" newsletter on the floor visible to the adjacent stall.

9. Lower a small mirror underneath the stall wall, adjust it so you can see your neighbor and say, "Peek-a-boo!"

8. Stick your open palm under the stall wall and ask your neighbor, "May I borrow a highlighter?"

7. Cheer and clap loudly every time somebody breaks the silence with a bodily function noise.

6. Say, "Hmmm, I've never seen that color before."

5. Grunt and strain real loud for 30 seconds and then drop a cantaloupe into the toilet bowl from a height of 6 feet. Sigh relaxingly.

4. Say, "Now how did that get there?"

3. Say, "Interesting... more floaters than sinkers."

2. After flushing Say, "Darn, I knew that drain hole was a little too small. Now what am I gonna do?"

1. Fill a large flask with Mountain Dew. Squirt it erratically under the stall walls of your neighbors while yelling, "Whoa! Easy boy!"


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Top 14 Rejected Titles
For the Movie "Twister"
14. "Schindler's Twist"

13. "Four Weddings & A Funnel"

12. "A Funnel Thing Happened on the Way to The Farm"

11. "Roofless in Seattle"

10. "Field of Debris"

9. "One House Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest"

8. "The Splintered Bridges of Madison County"

7. "Lift and Separate"

6. "Boys on the Side -- Of My Barn"

5. "Dead Man Flying"

4. "Indiana Jones and the Trailer Park of Doom"

3. "Wizard of Oz II: The Search for Toto"

2. "Totally Gone With the Wind"

1. "The Weather Channel: The Movie"


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Top 17 Ways to
Freak-Out Your Roommate
17. Smoke ballpoint pens.

16. Smile -- All the time.

15. Always flush the toilet three times.

14. Listen to radio static.

13. Open your window shades before you go to sleep each night. Close them as soon as you wake up.

12. Whenever your roommate comes in from the shower, lower your eyes and giggle to yourself.

11. Whenever you go to sleep, starts jumping on your bed . . . do so for a while, then jump really high and act like you hit your head on the ceiling. Crumple onto your bed and fake like you were knocked out . . . use this method to fall asleep...every night for a month.

10. Ask your roommate if he/she has ever looked into the eye's of his/her victim.

9. Whenever his/her parents call and ask for your roommate, breathe into the phone for 5 seconds then hang up.

8. Gather up a garbage bag full of leaves and throw them in a pile in his/her room. Jump in them. Comment about the beautiful foliage.

7. Get a computer. Leave it on when you are not using it. Turn it off when you are.

6. Fake a heart attack. When your roommate gets the paramedics to come, pretend nothing happened.

5. Whenever the phone rings, get up and answer the door

4. Whenever someone knocks, answer the phone.

3. Whenever your roommate walks in, wait one minute and then stand up. With an air of disdain, announce that you are going to take a shower. Do so. Keep this up for three weeks.

2. Buy Sea Monkeys and grow them. Name one after your roommate. Announce the next day that that one died. Name another one after your roommate. The next day say that it died. Keep this up until they all die.

1. Spend all your money on Transformers. Play with them at night. If your roommate says anything, tell him/her with a straight face, "They're more than meets the eye."

Other Places to go:

funny forwards hehe
A friend of mine made these toons
others funny jokes


Email: Austin



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